Thoughts on Career

For quite a long time, the issue of career has been tingling, wandering back and forth inside my head. I know I have lots of interests, but it doesn’t help me find a suitable, fulfilling career. Maybe I need to jump onto another milestone for real, but I can’t leave my current job if I don’t have a clear roadmap. They said young people are supposed to make mistakes, to fall and quickly get up again. But I think I have a fundamental problem in the first place.

In the early years of my career, I had the opportunity to get the fittest position one could ever imagine: working at the government, top-level in the environmental field. Whilst having back-to-back conversations with the policymakers might be the most priceless moments, I find it very difficult to be myself. I tend to feel afraid to be vocal and have a “yes-man” mindset since the very beginning. I failed to see the perks with excitement and am no longer feel the need to upscale myself since networks, resources, and satisfaction are already in front of my eyes. I have no idea why my full of energy self changes to be easily satisfied, but one thing for sure is that I have never earned the position. I was just lucky and privileged. I didn’t act but instead was being acted upon. That’s why I feel I don’t belong to the position.

However, sometimes luck paved the way for us. And I should feel grateful for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. To be able to go overseas twice for business trips is beyond my expectation. Now, I need to gain my achiever-self back, pursue what I should have pursued in the sack of my future career. I have manifested lots of time and days to contemplate what path I’m gonna start in my quarter of century age. I feel the need to find the roots I used to possess five years ago to tackle the current challenges. It’s almost impossible not to cry knowing my multi-passionate self has made me indecisive. And one of the core principles I recently solved is the relation between my path and Islam: my deepest value.

I used to think that “Khalifah fil Ardh” or the earth leader is the relation of my career path to Islam. But I don’t think it is broad enough to contain my purpose. Until I find that the best person on earth is the one who is beneficial for others. Therefore, I will start my journey from this unchangeable value of helping other people.

Unpopular opinion: I kinda miss having a weekly girls magazine that contains encouragements and builds up my confidence as a junior high schooler. Sometimes I wish I’d never grown up.

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